


Six Minutes

by krissyxlove



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Character Death, Five Stages of Grief, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 10:53:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14283354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krissyxlove/pseuds/krissyxlove
Summary: six minutes.that's all the time I have.six minutes until I die.





	Six Minutes

When they say your last moments of life are the longest moments, they mean it. 

It's only been a matter of minutes but it feels like it has been a lifetime. This reality is warped, slow, plodding, and all other words to describe this agonizingly slow Hell I've been left to bare. Everything hurts, but my mind is buzzing with numbness. Am I alive or have I already died? A familiar, pleading, voice pulls me back into reality but not far enough. 

_'Dan! Please! Only six more minutes. The ambulance will be here in six more minutes!'_

Crying, Phil is crying. I feel bad, but I can't even find the energy to move at this point. My eyes are open wide, frozen in some weird state of something indescribable; shock, perhaps? I don't know why they won't close, but it probably looks horrifying.

Six minutes, eh? It seems like that is all the time I have left anyway. Should I be feeling something? I should be, but honestly I cant. My heart is still beating, but barely. My mind is still awake, but it is numb. My body is probably cold to the touch, but I can't feel it. I feel nothing at all...not even the tears being washed over my face from above. 

Shouldn't I be thinking about other things now? I should be reflecting on my life, right? Heh, it's funny because my entire life looks terrified as he is looking me in the eyes right now. I don't need to reflect on anything because at least my final moments will be spent like this; felling numb, looking into eyes I could still swim in.

What is life anyway? Now is not the time to get philosophical Daniel. I want to laugh at myself for these random thoughts but I cant. I also want to laugh about this with Phil later...but I wont. The only thing that hurts is the inner pang of my barely beating heart over that realisation. Maybe I could cry? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I feel a wheeze of breath release from my lips. I know that sound is giving Phil hope but in reality it's just the air leaving my lungs faster than I would like. I'm only holding back for you, you dingus. Stop getting so excited, that only makes me want to cry which releases more air.

I have five minutes left now.

Five minutes isn't a long time actually. If I preserve enough energy and stop thinking, I might actually be able to make it. I have some hope left in me after all. Okay Dan, let's work this out. Figure out how to shut up your thoughts at least long enough for the ambulance to get here. This counts as thinking, doesn't it? Well, at least I'm not thinking about the numbness and the inevitability of death so that's a step in the right direction, right? If I have enough will to live I believe I can make it. Think about Phil. 

Phil, my Phil. Phil in the morning with his quiffed hair. I am happy he started embracing it and I want to continue to watch him embrace it. It makes him look like a dad...he would be a good dad... _we will be_ good dads.

Think about the future with Phil. We have a future, we always have had one. Since the moment I met Phil I've known I would die loving him and now is too soon. I want to marry him and spend my life with him, a long life with him. I can accomplish that if I make it through these next 270 seconds. That's not long at all. 

Think about all the Phils you will miss if you leave now. You already met young Phil; he was fresh out of college, just starting videos, and so damn innocent.

You already met adult Phil, the one you have built up an entire empire and taken over the damn near world with. That Phil has been my favourite because I know that Phil the best. I know his touch, I know his love, I know him inside and out. I share the same space as this Phil. Most importantly I have grown because of this Phil.

Think about the future Phil, the one you are getting introduced to now. The Phil with quiffed hair and glasses. This Phil tells more dad jokes than any other Phil and that is mostly because this Phil is ready to be a Dad. This Phil wants to settle down and shrink away from the rest of the world so he can spend more time with you. This Phil wants a noisy house filled with dogs, children, and his husband. This Phil brings promises of morning coffee and late nights of lazy, boring sex but it is still is something to look forward to every night. This Phil will definitely take over the spot of being the favourite. But he can't be the favourite if you leave now.

I can't die, I am not going to die.

I have four minutes left.

How the fuck did I get here anyway? I took the front seat because I was upset with Phil. Fuck, I let my emotions get me into this mess. It's not all my fault though, is it? No, of course it's not. The fucking driver wasn't paying attention and because of that he ran a light which caused a car to fly straight into me. Air bags did absolute bullshit besides knock the wind out of my lungs faster. My bones cracked, my blood splattered, and all any one did for the first minute and a half was fucking gawk as Phil pleaded for a phone since his flew out the window on impact. I hate everyone, everyone expect Phil of course. Most of all, I hate myself. 

I should have just sucked up my pride and sat next to Phil. Then, maybe then, I would only be left with minor injuries. Instead now here I am rapidly and actively dying because I was too fucking heated to sit next to my God Damn boyfriend. Daniel of the past, learn from my mistakes.

Hah, of course that didn't work. Here I am still as crimson liquid continues to fill the streets. 

People are all around me and no one is doing anything, besides Phil who is actively trying to subside the bleeding but it's a little too late. I want to get up and rip the phones out of everyone's hands who are snapping pictures, I want to scream at them all, and I just want them all to disappear.

Fuck them, fuck them all. Fuck them for flooding my thoughts when I should be focusing on living. I've wasted too much energy on them and now, 

I have three minutes left.

Is it too late to start believing in God? I wonder, if I start praying now will God hear my prayers? I want to believe in an after life, I really do. God please, if you can hear me, please let me live. If I make it out of this I swear to you I will resume going to church and I will even bring Phil with me and our children. Our children will know the love and grace of God along with all the people who have their fingers on the pulse of my life. I have a big audience, you know? Well of course you know, because you gave them all to me. If you spare me from this I swear to you that you will always hear my praises.

I know you don't like two men being together, but surely a gracious being such as yourself still loves us right? I don't even see gender anyway, all I see is Phil. You still love me, right? Of course you do. I promise that I will scream your name to the heavens, I will name my first child something biblical, I will do anything so please just show me the way. I want to find the way back into Phil's arms so I can be surrounded by his love and yours. 

Please God...

I only have two minutes left.

Of course that didn't work. Nothing ever does. Nothing ever has worked out for me and nothing ever will. Not like it matters anyway because all I am is a shell of a person. My mind and emotions only work half of the time and I am just too broken to even care. 

My vision is starting to face to black... _hello darkness my old friend_. I would laugh at that reference if my entire life wasn't desaturating in front of me, leaving me as this shell of a half-hallow man. I've felt this before but never quite at this rate.

I want to go back to feeling anything but here I am. I have made a full circle back 'round to the numbness. 

I don't care about anything. I don't care about dying, I don't care about living, and as awful as it is...I don't even care about Phil. I wan't to care but caring is an emotion I no longer have the energy to muster. 

Phil's eyes are full of enough emotion for the both of us anyway. I wonder if Phil is really as far away as he feels. I don't know, I don't know anything. I can see his shadow moving but honestly it's only a blur of the refection of the man I love...loved? Do I feel enough right now to even think that word. 

Fuck.

I'm on my last minute. 

sixty seconds. 

Usually that amount of time is nothing, but right now it's the last seconds I will ever feel. My vision is completely gone and I can't even make out anything Phil is saying anymore. He's said 'I love you' about a million times now but, he might as well be speaking in a different language because I can't make anything out at this time. I wonder if he will move on..I wonder if he will love again. 

Philip I know we have some sort of weird telepathy thing since we've been attached at the hip for years now so I hope my thoughts can reach you.

I wan't you to move on, I want you to love again. Fall in love with a nice guy or even a nice girl since I know your options are open. Accept the way things turned out because I have. I have one regret in life and that was never saying 'I do' but I hate that phrase anyway. Instead my vow to you is that 'I always have'. I always have loved you, I always have accepted you, and I always have wanted to spend every moment until my last breath with you. Hey look, I made that vow come true. Now that I have said my vows, it is your turn. I want you to vow to move on. I want you to vow to love again. I know I will always own your heart, but please learn to share it with someone else. Your heart is big enough for that anyway.

Accept the way things turned out since I already have. 

I hear the sirens, but my time is up. I have the energy to do one last thing...I have the energy to close my eyes and sleep.

_Goodnight you spork, it's been an honour to love you._


End file.
